Glass? Half empty.
So, it's REALLY unusual for me to get in a long term funk like this. I have swinging ups and downs, sure, but I usually level out in the optimistic range. Being unemployed for almost a year (mostly my own fault) has finally taken it's toll. And it's not like I've been watching soaps. I've filled nearly every day of the past year with writing, launching my little pet biz, supporting rock-star hubby's burgeoning music career, and to a lesser extent, applying for "real" jobs.
I feel like a big flake. I declared war on 9-to-5 pressure in the fall and decided I wouldn't go back to a full-time job. I just wouldn't!! I thought I could piece together little bits and pieces of jobs (once my EI ran out) while launching my business. Then: we maxed out our joint credit card. How did this happen? I'm usually on top of our financial situation, as depressing as it is, but I let it slip probably because it was too scary to face. Reality: I needed a full time job. If Alex's own "career" was more stable, I could put our little family on the line and take some career risks, but he's taking a big enough leap that it would just be silly to try to do the same right now. I'm trying not to be resentful. Of course, the deal is that I'll have my turn one day, once he's raking in the sweet, sweet music dough. That's always been the plan.
But what if he doesn't? Ever? It's a possibility that my glass-half-full outlook couldn't ever entertain. Until now. I never doubted Sweet Thing's ability to "make it" and if it were entirely up to them, I still wouldn't. But the music biz is tough, my pets. Especially in our "home and native land". This year's rough itinerary is promising, though: releasing another single (or two), a couple of big summer festivals, a jaunt south and maybe some overseas action. But, since I'm in a "dark place", I'm skeptical.
I'm being dramatic. I'm not exactly a candidate for suicide-watch. In fact, you'd probably only notice that I was a bit in the dumps if you really, really, really knew me. Liz figured me out right away. And I'm thankful for our Skype talks.
I guess that's why I haven't been writing. My blogTO contributions have slowed and I have been neglecting this blog, too. All in favour of good things, though: spending tons of quality time with Alex before he left on tour (this is day 3 of 32), applying for real jobs, interviewing for said real jobs, and building a productivity-friendly work space. (I will post photos soon!)
So, yes, things are looking up. Maybe that's why I'm back in over-sharing mode. It's an effort to snap myself out of uncharacteristic negativity.
More blogs coming soon: interview style, Sweet Thing update, small space decor (on a dime), and MORE! (I have some catching up to do, don't I?)