The $0 Wardrobe Re-invention Project: UPDATE!

[ highly suspicious outfit activity... ]

Technically, I should have successfully completed my shopping diet almost a month ago. If you need to know more, read here. Basically, I've grounded myself from shopping for anything frivolous and unnecessary (ermmm, clothes and beauty). Cold turkey, baby. I can only function in extremes.

But guys, I'm going to be totally honest here.

I cheated.

FOUR TIMES.

My "diet" which officially began on June 11 was slated to end mid-August. But bad behaviour  landed me back in the slammer. I added another month to my sentence.

I'm sure it would have been much, much worse, except that my birthday conveniently landed smack dab in the middle of my ban. Mom treated me to a little shopping spree at the new Marshall's (apparently a very big deal in Ottawa, though it's pretty much exactly like Winners). I scored the a denim shirt, ikat/geometric skirt, and green leather clutch. Gifts. Not cheating.

[ yay, mom! ]

Then, my lovely friends lavished me with beauty essentials (girl-crack) and bought me gift cards for Philistine (umm, YEAH, I link to my own articles) and MAC. 

 [ my new philistine "tunic" is a dress on normal-sized humans ]

But still, I fell off the wagon.

FOUR TIMES.

Here are my crimes, petty as they may be:

1. Bowling trip to Vaughan Mills on our July staycay ended in innocent "poking around" in some of the outlet shops. I resisted a French Connection Maxi and deeply-discounted tees with sassy slogans. But a cute pair of on-sale skinnies (photo above) at H&M broke me. I even ignored my "no cheap denim" rule. I was in a bad way. Damage: $20

2. Konad polishes. Cathie bought me the kit, and it kind of became a new obsession. My mom also bought into it (she thinks she's 17, mostly) and we were possibly both a little high on acetone. I beefed up my kit with a new colour and design plate. Damage: $25

3. Joe Fresh. Gets me EVERY TIME. Mom (bad influence!) and I went to grab groceries at the SuperStore while I was in Ottawa in July. In the 'burbs, the Joe Fresh shops are RIGHT INSIDE THE GROCERY STORE. As in, next to lettuce: moderately priced pants. Oy. I genuinely needed new sweats for camping, and I was lured by $6 tees. Damage: $30

4. Maybe I shouldn't even count this one, but in the interest of full-disclosure, I thrifted a like-new J.Crew gingham top for $7 at Value Village. 

 [ cute shirt, right? ]

For me, $82 in almost 2 months wasn't bad. But I'm disappointed that I couldn't make it through. Alas, early parole DENIED! 

Then: I didn't buy a THING in August and most of September. Yay, me!

Today is my new release date. 

Correction: was. 

I almost made it. I could almost smell the mall-smells in my imminent future. New leather and Cinnabon and heavily-perfumed sales ladies. Then, I spied an adorbs pair of cherry-red vintage bowling shoes (in my size!) on Etsy yesterday and just HAD to have them. I don't bowl a ton anymore (I was a league kid), but I'd like to, and maybe these kicks will kick it off. Damage: $40

I need a support group.

Besides my slip-ups, I'm pretty happy with my restraint, and otherwise, my wardrobe reinvention has been coming along nicely. I've tinkered with some jewellry repairs, tie-dyed some tees, reinvented an out-of-date skirt, and altered a pair of pants. I also took home a sweet haul at a clothing swap last month. My biggest projects are still sitting untouched on my sewing table and I'm putting myself on house arrest for most of the month to get things done.

 [ church rummage size-16 midi skirt gets a new life as an above-the-knee size 6 ]

As thrifty and crafty as I may be, though, that last little shopping infraction just cost me another 2 weeks. I'll need the busy-hands distraction.

Plus: I'm currently putting myself through a month-long detox AND Alex and I just drafted up a pretty aggressive budget plan for the next year. Yeah, all at once. Because, well, I enjoy torture, obviously.

As of October I can spend (and drink and eat junk!) again, but I think the break from my toxic ways has been so positive that I'm going to be smart about falling (purposely) off the wagon. Using my credit card for anything other than emergs? Never. Doing shots on a work night? Rarely. Midnight burritos? Well, sometimes.

You know how much I love getting into trouble. This is hell. But worth-it hell. 

(Right?)

(I need a bloody drink.)

tough as nails

Prelude: This is kiiiinda gonna be a product review. Which I don't normally do, because no one pays me to and mostly I'm narcissistic and I think my ridiculous banter is way more interesting (it is, right, mom?). First, though, I'm going to waste 4 paragraphs on a giant tangent/rant about packaging and copywriting. Stay with me. I'm worth it.

Seldom do I fall for the marketing jargon used to sell me products. I used to (and sometimes still do) write that garbage. 

Pretty packaging? I'm a sucker. Don't try to woo me with words, though. Chemicals disguised as whimsy? The Periodic Table of Make-Believe? Thesaurus trickery? Dude. I watched enough Columbo to see through your story.

The claims made by most beauty products are hilarious and ridiculous. Trademarked science-y sounding terms are my absolute favourite. Now with Bioteen™! Cellusmooth™! Lipoluxe™!

Are you patronizing me? 

I skip straight to the ingredients, usually. That's where the truth lies. You can't win me over with natural-sounding buzz words when you're crammed with carcinogens and things I can't pronounce. You might trick me for a bit with beautiful branding and gorgeous typefaces but when I shake myself out of package-porn drunkenness, I can sometimes discover the very best products. I've said it before: 100% Pure? Ugly branding, awesome product!

Like, edible-awesome.

I'm also not completely swayed by brand cachet. As in: your double-page $70 skin cream spread in Vogue doesn't mean I think you're more worthy than the $20 stuff I buy at the dusty smells-of-patchouli natural food store. Mostly because my frugal ways are deeply rooted, but also because I've used $8 shampoos that I've liked as much, if not more, than $30 shampoos. My favourite scrub is 4 bucks and my go-to mascara is 8. 

 [ beauty bests (on a dime): St. Ives scrub, Sally Hansen Salon Manicure, Live Clean hair care, Maybelline ONE by ONE ]

I believe in paying for quality when it comes to, say, denim. Or escorts. In beauty, though you're probably not getting much more for your money if you spend $40 over $10 on a lipstick. Same chemical soup. $30 in sexy packaging and ad space, probably. Hotshot copywriters would have you believe otherwise. 

"Reverses the aging process!" 

IT'S A TRAP!

OK, so I will sometimes (in an optimistic, I-need-a-miracle state) buy these products with the hopes that the effect will be even half as spectacular as promised. I brace myself for disappointment and/or convince myself that I'm just OK with placebos this time.

It's pretty here in la-la land. 

---

OK, let's talk Sally Hansen Salon Effects nail strips.

I probably never would have picked them up on my own. If the horrific packaging and very skeptical claims like "lasts up to 10 days" weren't enough, a single use is $10. Strikes 1, 2, and 3. Nail polish, another item not worth the extra spend for premium brands, can run you on average $8 a bottle in the drug store. A bottle will last through several manicures. It's pretty easy math: one-time strips for $10, not worth it.

However, a friend bought me a set for my birthday recently. I applied them while watching TV with the Mister the other night. The aligning part is tricky, but otherwise they were pretty simple to apply. I thought they'd be more like stickers, but the effect is like polish in the end – flawless, seamless, flat. I wondered about using a top coat. I mean you ALWAYS need a top coat, right? The packaging mentioned nothing of top coats, so I didn't risk it. I suspected that they'd last a day or two before chipping/peeling. That's usually how long I can go without mussing up a mani.

Guys.

Mine lasted ELEVEN DAYS. 

Not a single chip! No peeling, fading, dulling, rubbing off. Amazing! You could actually see nail growth. There was some very slight uniform wearing at the very tips, but it only became noticeable on the last day. I probably would have had a good 2 days left with them, but metallic animal print can get a little exhausting. Nail polish that outlasts my love of leopard print? Huh.

I like this idea too: use one strip as an accent!

 [ image c/o refinery29.com ]

So let's talk removal process. Sally Hansen claims that removal is "easy" with polish remover. Ominous cloud of skepticism. It couldn't be worse than their Gem Crush glitter polish, which basically annihilates cotton pads. It's gorgeous, but like it's like sandpaper. I read this helpful piece of glitter-coated wisdom a little too late.


The nail strips were, as promised, removable with regular polish remover. "Easy" might be a stretch, but the process didn't induce a sweat mustache and that's my effort benchmark. Sally Hansen does offer an extra strength version, just in case. Next time I might try the glitter polish technique. 

Overall, totally worth the $10 price tag! I think these would be especially great for vacations – no fuss! My only complaint is the variety of designs. I'm only a fan of a handful of them. Maybe that will save me from falling into financial ruin. Death by manicure.

My office mate discovered that Sephora carried a similar product (uh oh) and that the designs are way better. Unfortch, you pay for cachet (what did I tell you!?) and these puppies are going to run you $14. BUT, basic internet-sleuthin' revealed that some of the designs are currently on sale!

Yep, waaaaay better designs. Ikat, cherries, lace! Oh my. There's even a Betsey Johnson line! Some for 5 to 7 bucks, yo! This could get ugly...

I'm going to busy myself with my new (birthday-aquired) nail-stamping kit to save myself from forbidden spending. My shopping diet lives on!

I smell another product review. Yeesh, I really should be paid for this.

p.s. Another way-too-long blog post. I need to write more.

The $0 Wardrobe Re-invention Project!

I am on a shopping diet.

It's self-imposed, but will happen under the judging, disapproving eye of my minimalist husband. He doesn't actually have a say in my purchases. My money is my own, and I'm currently the winningest bread-winner in our duo. However, he definitely has a right to pipe up about this shoe purchase or that new shirt: my closet is just the worst. I ran out of hangers. Again. And have I mentioned that I share the lone (and tiny) storage space in our whole apartment with that poor, poor man? My skirts constantly taunt his slacks. My blouses bully his shirts. His wardrobe ends up huddling together at the very edge of the rack, hoping for a safety-in-numbers approach to survival.

It's not just a space issue, though. if I'm ever going to pay off debts and save up for grown-up purchases like houses and cars and Airstreams and hot tubs (and tattoooos!), I need to curb spending.

So here's my challenge: no new clothing/shoe/accessory/jewellery/beauty/non-essential spends for 2 months. Nothing frilly. Nothing frivolous. NOTHING.

 [ oy, can someone puh-lease get me another beer? ]

I actually started (officially) last Monday, so I'm already more than a week in!  

Exceptions: a proper haircut, non-vanity products (deodorant, toothpaste, sunscreen), underwear if needed (needed), and a nude strapless bra (to replace the one that exploded while on my body in the middle of the No Frills produce section).

Oh yeah, and the necessities of life: tacos and beers and the like. Duh.

Yikes. I might wilt and fade and die without chameleon-like style-self-expression. How, oh how, do I reinvent myself each day with the same old pieces from last year? #firstworldproblems 

It's doable with a little resourcefulness, a mess of creativity, and a good pair of fabric scissors. Luckily, I have all three. But even the DIY-challenged can breathe new life into last season's rompers, pants that fit a much-skinnier former self, and dresses hoarded since high school. Without spending a dime. 

Wardrobe CPR:

1. Trade. Have you not yet discovered the wonder of clothing swaps? Sister, PLEASE. I have a friend with a bit of an attitude about used clothing, but these are your FRIENDS, girl. Surely you will not contract imaginary/worst-fears-come-true parasites if the hand-me-downs come from a friend who shares your personal hygiene OCD. I have gleaned many an amazing piece and have peacefully parted with gems I couldn't bear to drop in the big metal Goodwill bin. 

 [ swap scores: vintage teal petal-print skirt // denim jacket // chevron tank ]

2. Revive. Dye, tie-dye, paint, embellish, restring, stamp, re-purpose, darn, mend... I actually darned socks once, during my poor student days. I felt all wartime-y. Like I was doing my part for my country. Of course, said socks did not end up on the feet of soldiers. Also, they were red with monkeys on the ankles. A girl with an actual salary can probably stand to avoid darning, but I'm excited for some more interesting revitalization projects. I restrung beads from two vintage necklaces to make this one. I'm inspired to make more!

 

[ $80 at asos.com or... I could DIY my plain white chucks with some easy stamping ]

3. Layer, mix, (mis)match. Not a new concept, and really my all-the-time M.O. I just need to start getting a lot more creative in the next 8 weeks. Example: I have this midi-dress in white with crocheted bits. I have worn the shit out of it. The top is a bit ill-fitting now and the armpits reveal many a sweaty summer bike ride. But the skirt portion is pretty lovely. Throw a light gauzy tee over the whole mess, and voila! I considered converting it to a skirt, but the top portion is perfect as a layering cami. Win-win.

4. Nip & tuck. You don't have to be a master seamstress to make quick alterations to your too-big, too-small, outta-style pieces. There are plenty of great online tutorials, some not even requiring a machine! See P.S. I Made This and A Beautiful Mess for some fun examples. My new projects for the coming weeks (if I can ever find time to do anything hobby-ish) are to convert two dresses into skirts. 

First: my actual wedding dress. Back in tha day, I ripped apart an off-the-rack BCBG dress and re-made it to suit my farm-themed wedding. Now, I'm going to lop off the bodice, slash out most of the lining and turn it into a semi-sheer summer maxi skirt. I'd like to vintage-up the colour but the poly lace won't take to normal fabric dye. Suggestions?

[ before // after... ]

[ after-after? // via chictopia.com ]

Secondly, I have a Won Hundred dress in an awesome pixel pattern, but the bodice won't close over my boobs anymore. I'd like to tell you it's because I'm suddenly a lusty, chesty broad. No such luck. I think I just got too fat in the armpits and back. Joy! This dress, too, is destined for a similar fate: the guillotine!

5. Dress up/down. Also not brain surgery, but think beyond the LBD (that's "little black dress" for the dads/husbands). I'm a firm believer that every dress has two personalities – Peggy by day, Joan by night. I originally bought this Zara pink peter-pan-collared dress for a wedding. I accessorized it with pearls and black patent for a faux-Chanel-Barbie look: sweet, classy & feminine. But I discovered that it can be work/play appropriate, too, with flats and tights! 

Also, I can do pretty much anything in any season with my little green dress (LGD!):

6. From scratch, baby. There are some awesome beginner patterns online that require only the machine basics. I tackled this Victory pattern in a barn in 6 hours.

We'll see if I have any time for even one of these projects. I am WAY too ambitious, pretty booked up socially, and terrible at time-management. I'm not setting any unrealistic goals here. However, I'm pretty confident that I can stick to my shopping diet. It will be tough, especially when I visit my mother next month: "Oh, just buy it!" and/or "It's sooo you." and/or "I'll pitch in half."

What are your secrets? Tell me! Help!