Friday, October 15, 2010

Pralines N' Cream or Chocolate Mint?

I've always been bad at making decisions. I used to write pro/con lists in my high-school diary to compare boys that I was crushing on. There were at least three at any given time. 

 [ Me and Jill with our cousin David, centre. Boy on the right was a fleeting crush. Ah, to be 15. ]

I decided, for the purpose of evidence of my indecisiveness, to dig out one of my old journals and scan a page, sure that I would find a reasonable example. I didn't have to look past page 1 of my 10th Grade diary. I managed to talk about FOUR boys, and it was only the first day of school. *sigh* 

I was about to scan it when I noticed that boy #4 was none other than MY HUSBAND! What?!? Did I have so many crushes that year that I completely forgot that Alex was one of them (briefly)?! By page 2 I was already beginning what would be a year of obsessing over and quasi-dating one boy/loser in particular, that I apparently completely forgot about my page-1 crushes. 

I always told Alex, after (re-)meeting him in 2006, that I never thought about him "that way" in high school. Lies. (If you didn't already know, he had a decade-long crush on me) It's too bad that Mr. Loser distracted me from what was obviously my best choice on page/day 1. It obviously all worked out in the end. I only had to date 100,000 losers (and a few nice but horribly ill-matched guys) over the course of 13 years to get there. We never would have made it, I think, if we had hooked up back then. I needed a basis for comparison, maybe.

Here's the page:

- Boy names were blacked out for obvious reasons (hello, world-wide-web!)
- This is incredibly humiliating - don't judge. I was 15.
- Yes, I wrote entirely in all-caps for years, thanks to my Grade 8 shop teacher

I think I might also scan pages from my diaries more often. They are amusing (for you), even if they're mortifying (for me).

 [ if Angela Chase taught us anything, it's that being a teenager is, like, so hard (via ]

The point of this post was SUPPOSED to be about a current conundrum that has left me muddled and indecisive. I ended up a little off-track, hey?

OK, so yeah, I can't make decisions. Shoe colour, ice cream flavour, films. And, uh, what the heck I'm doing with my life. I know the long-term goal - my own pet boutique. But what-oh-WHAT do I do in the meantime. I've been offered a job (the little secret I can't tell you), but there's a catch. 

Here's where I'm at:

Option A: Take above-mentioned position which is WAY-WAY awesome, but doesn't pay a ton and would potentially be pretty demanding time-wise. Pros: It's a pretty amazing opportunity to do something i love...and get paid for it! Cons: It's not really in my ultimate desired field (although it's something I've always had a strong interest in), it doesn't leave me much time to work towards my little business idea, and doesn't help me save that much money.

Option B: Stay on EI, spending my time working on my business and looking for a job in corporate retail. Pros: More time for my business now, better money and applicability to my business when I do find one. Cons: I may never find a job (I've been interviewing and applying like crazy to no avail). Or, I may find a job that makes me miserable and ends up being more demanding than I anticipated.

Either way, I am in no position to open shop for another year or two, and sadly Alex's rock-star salary isn't going to carry us through, so I need to find work fast. Gotta say, I am leaning towards Option A. It's a really great gig, despite it's downfalls, and it's an ACTUAL offer. Saying no would mean I'm back to being officially unemployed. And my EI isn't going to last forever. 


Rayanne: You wanna have sex with him.
Angela: Who?
Rayanne: Who. Jordan. Catalano. Come on, I'm not gonna tell anyone, just admit it.
Angela: I just like how he's always leaning. Against stuff. He leans great. Well, either sex or a conversation. Ideally both.

RIP My So Called Life 1994-1995

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