TrendSTOPPING.

[ Stop the madness, Rachel Bilson. Clogs AND boyfriend jeans? Wow, you read Glamour last month; good for you! *sigh* Another of fashion's poor, defenseless victims. Photo via JustJared.buzznet.com]

So, I was huffing away on the elliptical machine at the gym earlier today, flipping between True Lies and a re-run of Canada's Next Top Model (daytime television at its finest) and Sinead, one of the CNTM contestants fainted during panel. Oh, drama! That's when I realized that I was also close to fainting, and that I had actually forgotten to eat today. Me? Forgetting to eat? What IS this, really? Beam me up, 'cause I have no recollection of how I arrived on this planet. I mean, c'mon.

It must have been the the nerves and preoccupation over my hair. Again. See, I had an appointment scheduled today, NOT with my regular girl. I intended to take the plunge and get the whole thing lopped off. I even put together a collage of photos (below) to help her. But, I didn't technically chicken out. I thought I would. Instead, Trinh (new unfamiliar stylist) and I came to a well-informed decision: I should wait. To achieve most of the looks below, I would need to invest in some serious bang-growing-out time. I want the long-on-top look, much like the girl in the upper right.

[Photos: http://shorthair.tumblr.com/ ]

So she razored it, adding subtle layers and softening my bangs. I love the freedom this allows, unlike my previous cut which was limiting: I was stuck with straight ironing it daily. As many women know, Toronto's humidity is unforgiving, and my do has been frizzing and flipping and sticking to my neck. I'm happy with the result, and only mildly disappointed that I won't be surprising my husband with a whole new me. He still likes the old me, though, so I'm probably OK. :)

Cheating on my stylist wasn't as bad as I'd imagined. What was I to do? How dare she take a vacation while I was having a hair crisis! Trinh and I talked about clothes, which I admitted was my weakness, and we both agreed that shopping has seriously sucked lately. The past few seasons have been disappointments, and some of the so-called trends have me shaking my head.

Clogs? Please. These should never come back. Hideous! Utility Jackets? Frumpy, and reminiscent of my grunge days. And, possibly the worst: distressed and faded slouchy boyfriend jeans. Why are we back here again? Haven't we evolved denim-wise? Don't we all agree that dark washes, straight cuts and minimal distressing are the most flattering on most body types?

I need to make a confession though. Shamefully, after our fashion rant, I was cosmically sucked into the Banana Republic near my gym and BOUGHT a pair of distressed and faded jeans. With holes, no less! I don't know what came over me. It was a ridiculous sale, and they somehow made me feel beachy and I pictured them with a nautical striped tank over a swimsuit, with espadrilles and a huge sun hat. Not that I even own a sun hat. Anyway, they're kinda cute...especially when I roll them up. But, I did choose a slim flattering pair that still has a fairly dark wash. Some of these fugly, dumpy cut-offs are just too much. There is a line. Maybe that's the key: taking a trend and doing it in a way that is flattering for your age, body type and for the occasion. People just apply trends without asking themselves whether it actually looks good or not.

Here's how to take some of the "challenging" and ugly trends of this season and make them work in the real world (you know, if you're not 5'11 and size 0):

[ All photos via Polyvore.com ]

Problem - Clogs: They're bulky and chunky and not really practical for prancing around town in the heat. And if you wear a size 9, like me, they just draw attention to the gargantuan boats that are your feet.

[ Reminiscent of the last time they tried the clog trend. Too literal. And tired. Yawn. ]

[ A way too bulky sole and not enough graduation in the platform; like walking on a brick ]

Solution: Don't take the trend SO literally. Clog-inspired styles, open toes, gladiator details and a less bulky sole make for a modern - and palatable - take on the style.

[ Good! The zipper detail is modern and the overall shape is slim and light. LOVE the stitching on these! ]

[ A slimmer and tapered heel and platform, along with gladiator detailing makes this shoe preferable to the clunky one above. ]

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Problem - Utility Jacket: The multiple pockets add bulk and many styles can look too young, too casual or too boxy.

[ Hello, did we somehow stumble into Jurassic Park? ]

[ Kurt Cobain is dead. ]

Solution: Pick styles with more tailoring, structure and a more defined waist. This one has a more feminine feel. 

[ The fabric, oversized lapel, and defined waist all contribute to the modernization of the return-trend ]

[ Again, picking a fabric other than over-washed cotton canvas is a new take on the trend. A more polished and pretty utility jacket! ]

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Problem - The distressed boyfriend Jean: Too The OC for my liking. You don't live in Cali and you're not 17 and stick-skinny? This might not be an ideal look.

[ Do you want to be mistaken for a house painter? Oh you do? OK, then these are all you baby! ]

[ I'm sorry, but Fast Times at Ridgemont High is still an awesome movie, but we don't need to be taking fashion cues from it. Spicoli called; he wants his shorts back ]

Solution: Stick to shapes that already flatter you and pick not-too-light washes with minimal distressing and only a few holes. Pair them with a pretty or fitted top, so you don't actually look like you've raided your teenage brother's closet.

[ A better option, if the slim/straight legs flatter you. Think breezy beach strolling, not mallrat. Even Jason Lee would approve. ]